How to Make a Delinquent
A Delinquent is defined as one who offends by neglect or violation of a duty or law. In popular usage, the word is usually preceded by the adjective “juvenile”. It used to be thought that most social misfits of the adolescent variety came from the slums. However, it has come to light that some of our more destructive delinquents are bright, high I.Q. children from our better suburbs.
Since parents of the latter type are often interested in improving perfection the following rules for the making of a delinquent are offered free of charge. If these suggestions are carried out during the first ten years of a chi1d’s life, results are guaranteed.
1. Beginning in infancy, give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. Don’t have any rules for child behaviour or obedience in the home, this will ensure that the child has no clear concept of right or wrong.
3. If you have any rules, enforce them intermittently. Ignore them when you are in good humour and knock your child silly if he breaks the rules when you are tired and out of sorts. This will confuse him
and he won’t know what is expected of him, so as a result, he will eventually resent all discipline.
4. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he is cute. It will also encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow the top off your head at a later stage.
5. Air your domestic differences in front of the children, preferably with a little name-calling. This will ensure he has no respect for either of his parents.
6. Never give a child any chores or regular duties around the home. This will convince him that you and the world owe him a living, without effort on his part.
7. Avoid the use of the word WRONG. It may develop a guilt complex. It will also condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing something, that society is against him and he is being
8. Pick up everything he leaves lying around—books, shoes and clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing responsibility on to others.
9. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself.
10. Allow him to read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be a mind feasted on garbage.
11. If he is disciplined at school, always go there and tear a strip off the teacher or, better still, the principal, in front of the child. This will create an excellent contempt for authority at any level.
12. Give a child all the spending money he requires. Never allow him to earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had?
13. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to frustration.
14. Later when he has trouble with the gardai, which is most likely, tell off the member concerned or better still, the Superintendent, always referring to the dumb cops. This procedure will earn the lad a diploma for contempt of authority.
15. Take his part against neighbours, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
16. When you are driving with your family, exceed the local speed limit, but slow down when you see a Garda patrol car. Be sure to speed up as soon as the Garda car is out of sight. This will show the child that the law is to be observed only if there is danger of being caught.
17. If, however, you are stopped for speeding, always deny that you were exceeding the speed limit. Make a big fuss over same. Your child will then know that lying and cheating are acceptable procedures.
18. If you have managed to cheat the tax man or carry off a business deal with the aid of underhand methods, be sure to tell the family about it at the dinner table. This should convince the children that stealing is all right if you can get away with it.
19. Never check where your youngsters are in the evening. Never mind when they arrive in late. Never try to learn anything about their friends.
Guaranteed Success: Prepare for a life of grief and sorrow. You have earned it.
Last words of Author in public: “They’re coming to take me away, ha ha!”
Written by Finbarr O'Regan
Published here 05 Feb 2021
Page 187 of The Carnaun Centenary Book