Just a Thought February 2007

I’ve decided to have a notional, and as it turns out, blatantly biased, awards ceremony this month, encouraged by the raft of Golden Globes, IFTAs, BAFTAs and Oscars that keep me pinned to the telly, in the hope of what learning something? Not a chance. So don’t expect anything more than the usual fluff while I award my very own, dah dah dah dah dah dah daaaaaaah Ciphers.

This is the abridged version of course. I alone suffered the full awards ceremony while sitting patiently in the dead of night waiting for the pseudoephedrine to kick in. So, in true Hollywood style, there’s a sniff of (prescription) drugs in the air about these awards also. There the similarity ends because my head cold makes me look more Ozzy than Sharon. But as there’s no business like Show Business, let’s go on with the show.

For Best Male Lead I must admit that my inspiration was always the more enigmatic actors rather than the chocolate-box heroes. While I wouldn’t throw Colin Firth out of bed for eating crisps, I have always been more taken, not in the Biblical sense, by the moody Alan Rickman or the laconic John Malkovich and you can give me Daniel Day Lewis any day. So, the Cipher for Best Male and Best Male in a Supporting Role (supporting me, that is) is awarded to my very own Enigma, Mr. Cipher. My vote goes to the homegrown talent. Boy, that pseudoephedrine is strong!

I don’t have to look too far to award Best Actor in a Supporting Role, which goes to the youngest chick in my nest. Very versatile he is too with hearty laughing and theatrical crying, often within seconds of each other. But for his ability to take a flying leap for a hug and kiss with the full expectation that his mother will catch his six-year-old bodyweight while avoiding a terrifying collision between his puckered lips and her as yet unbroken nose, he takes the biscuit.

The All-Round Entertainer Award goes to the heir who truly loves his mademoiselle. As I write this on the day of love, Valentine’s Day, I was presented with a glorious school-made card (thanks, teachers!) for Mr. Cipher and myself from himself and the youngest chick. Lifetime Achievement Award for that one.

That’s the end of the Cipher Awards 2007. There was no committee involved in this process as I am the autocrat of my own breakfast table, the original gong going to Oliver Wendell Holmes. I might even dust off the ornaments and present them to the winners and make a few gushy remarks for the season that’s in it. We can’t leave all the crying to Gwyneth Paltrow, can we? I’d like my Ciphers to act as a springboard for your own notional awards. What would they be for and who would your winners be? You might ever hear someone gasping: “You have no idea how much this means to me!”

This article was first published in News and Views February 2007